Day 16

Friday 21st November
Rainy

Well, I had a long talk with Rosebud. I didn't want to, Diary- I'd decided yesterday that if I never saw him again it'd be too soon- but he cornered me on my way out from breakfast and begged me with pleading eyes and trembling lips to hear what he had to say. I could never resist that expression. We went back to his cabin for a long discussion.

He told me he knew I was upset about what happened at university. And he explained it all from his point of view. First, he told me that he had a voracious sexual appetite. This made it impossible for him to live with me platonically as I'd suggested- he'd always have ended up nipping out for a man or two and I would inevitably have been jealous. But he couldn't just tell me that at the time. He was worried that if he did, I'd have felt compelled to extend the offer to a non-platonic relationship. Not only was he sure I'd regret that in the end, he also thought it highly likely that we'd end up quarrelling sooner or later and he'd lose his best friend. But he didn't trust himself to say no if I offered, because he wanted me badly. So he decided that reply would be the best he could give. It wasn't even really a lie- if you take "that way" to mean "platonically".

And that was why he'd kept things with the captain secret- and because it could lose the captain his job if his crew found out. Now that I was no longer angry with him, he told me all about how it had happened.

It seems that both Rosebud and the captain had been genuinely seasick to begin with. The captain usually does fall victim to the ship's motion for the first day or so of a voyage, but gets better after that and returns to his duties. They bumped into each other on their way to their respective cabins as they both begain to feel unwell. Literally- the captain was coming down the C-deck stairs when the ship gave a sudden lurch and he fell on top of Rosebud, who was just passing beneath. Rosebud felt a lurch in his stomach that had little to do with seasickness. As the captain was apologising, Rosebud told him he was looking rather green and suggested they both go to his cabin to lie down as it was nearer.

As they lay on separate beds through the stormy afternoon they looked across at each other every now and again and exchanged weak smiles. Those few hours, Rosebud tells me, seemed to be a golden eternity without beginning or end, and they the only people in the world. Although they were feeling too ill to say anything, they understood each other perfectly.

The next day they were both feeling much better. They sat up in bed and chattered away for hours, until the silences became longer, the accidental meetings of eyes became more suggestive, and they moved into Stage 3: Rampant Sex. Which kept them both busy for the next week and a half.

It's quite sweet really, Diary. But who would have thought it? Old Rosebud is one of them. Strange really, it doesn't bother me if it's Rosebud. Better keep it from the others though. Don't want them acting funny or calling names because he'd different.